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OT: Proper swearing suggestions



Fitted a Parrot car kit at the weekend, and I'm pretty happy with it
(for the dosh anyway).

I spent a happy half hour on Sunday morning teaching it to call home
when I say "phone home", and call T when I say "phone T" and call T's
mother when I say "phone the old witch"
Shouldn't it be "ET" to phone home?


This morning, my car sharer discovered that he could dial people by
shouting the same things.

This was amusing. Briefly.

So, what's the most offensive phrase I can use, that's less than 2
seconds long, to get his phone to ring?
I'd go for something you can use when berating another car driver for
cutting you up. Something like:

"If I wanted a knobjockey, I'd call one!"